love without "but's"

Nearly a year and a half ago, I was chatting with a coworker and I mentioned a person in my life whom I love very dearly, but has brought problems into their relationship with myself and my family. I said, "I love her, but..."

My coworker stopped me with his laugh. "But?" he repeated. I shrugged it off, but his simple question started spinning in my mind. Over twelve months later, the blog post that began in my brain then is finally written. Some people are easy to love, but there's always something about them that we don't prefer. "I love her, but I wish she would listen to me more." "I love her, but I wish she would spend more time with me." "I love her, but I wish she wouldn't text when she's with me." "I love her, but it's hard taking care of her." "I love her, but I want her to help me like I've helped her." "I love her, but I wish she would call me first." "I love her, but I wish she were there for me." "I love him, but I wish would he help out more around the house." "I love him, but I want him to tell me he's proud of me." "I love him, but I wish he would tell me, 'I love you' more." "I love him, but I want him to spend more time talking to me." "I love him, but I wish he wouldn't watch so much TV." "I love him, but I wish he would protect me." "I love him, but I wish he were more interested in my life." But 1 Corinthians 13 describes a very different kind of love.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, NJKV

That's not to say that relationships cannot be made stronger, that problems cannot be addressed and fixed, or that hurt can't be healed. But that is to say that loving as Christ loved us (John 15:12) is pretty serious. That kind of love is long-suffering and kind. It is not envious, boastful, rude, self-seeking or easily provoked. It's the kind of love that gives and gives and keeps giving even when we feel empty. It's the love that goes the extra mile. It's the the kind of love that may hurt. It's the kind of love that is self-sacrificing, even unto death (John 15:13). It's love without "but's".