Day 26/31 of Self Love

Read this post for an explanation!

My Definition of Self Love - Learning not to hate yourself; being okay with past mistakes, but not repeating them; refusing to use current failures as fuel for self-hate and instead using them as opportunities to improve; and reminding yourself, "You are loved, you are valuable, and you are God's child."

I used to be ashamed about my mental health issues, at least in the sense of being in denial and refusing to admit that I might struggle with depression. Once I came to terms with my less than pleasant state of mental health, I became defensive about my struggles, which make it difficult for me to reach out for help because I felt like everyone wanted to judge or "fix" me. Even though I'm open about my thoughts and fears online, I'm not as open in person unless specifically asked. However, I don't think it's an issue of shame for me, I think it's an issue of trust - I'm afraid to bring up the subject out of the many instances when I've offhandedly mentioned my struggles with anxiety or panic attacks and been told, "You shouldn't be anxious; I have so much more stress than you do" or "You just need to not take things so personally."

I think the part of myself that I am most ashamed of is my jealousy, because I know logically that it's ridiculous, and yet I still feel angry and upset when I think that a friend or a family member likes someone else more than they like me. But honestly this stems from the fact that I don't like myself, and I don't think that anyone else could possibly like me either - so why wouldn't they drop me at the first chance? It's something that I'm working through, albeit rather slowly.

I had no idea what a "shadow self" was, but a quick internet search told me it's the "dark side" or negative aspects of oneself. That sounds kind of New Age-y to me, and I'd rather not use that terminology. I think everyone has certain sins that they are more likely to struggle with, and that doesn't make us a better or a worse sinner; it just means we have to be careful. For me, those sins are jealousy, being self-centered, gossiping, not trusting in God, not being content, and not respecting my husband, to name a few - all of which do not make up a very pleasant person, but all of which can be worked through and conquered by the power of the Holy Spirit. Thankfully, we serve a loving God who forgives our sins and takes our shame away - what an incredible gift!