31 Days of Self Love

I can't believe it will be 2019 in a little over two hours. In my single years, I spent the last day of the year chronicling my successes, failures, and goals for the year and upcoming year, respectively. Once J and I began dating, we spent New Year's Eve together watching lousy movies and making fun of them. J isn't big on New Year's Resolutions - he sees them as rather pointless, since many people make plenty of resolutions but don't adhere to them, instead giving up and becoming discouraged. I, on the other hand, have made multiple resolutions, but they seem to be the same every year - eating healthier, getting more sleep, and reading my Bible more. And yet if I make the same resolves year after year, apparently they haven't been very successful.

J and I truly enjoy exploring who we are and discovering how people and experiences have shaped the people we have become. Some might call us nerdy, but we enjoy analyzing ourselves and each other. One day, I came home from work excited to tell John, "I figured something out! This is why you do such-and-such - because of this event that happened in your childhood!" For me, the challenge is using this knowledge to improve myself not simply relegating them to the back of my mind after my initial excitement.

One of my goals for 2019 is learning to be okay with myself. Self-hate is something that I've dealt with for a long time -  though my first time to write about it was in 2016, my self-deprecating thoughts have been with me since junior high. When I say that I want to "be okay with myself," that simply means not utterly hating myself. I know that I have many faults and failures. But I have also been blessed with many experiences, opportunities, and gifts. I know Satan would be happy for me to spend my time and thoughts telling myself that I'm stupid, a failure, a horrible wife, a bad Christian, and much more. But though I am far from perfect, the truth is that I am loved. I have value that is not defined by my successes or my failures, but by the fact that I am made in the image of God and loved by Him. My life is worthwhile - I am worthwhile.

The concept of "self love" made me uncomfortable, but when I discovered the "31 Days of Self Love" challenge, I knew it was something I wanted to try. As a disclaimer, this challenge is from a website that promotes self love and self acceptance; they don't claim to be Christian. For me, as a believer, self-love is simply learning not to hate myself. It's being okay with my past mistakes, but not repeating them; it's refusing to use my current failures  as fuel for my self-hate and instead using them as chances to improve, with God's help; it's saying to myself, "You are loved, you are valuable, and you are God's child."

I'm hoping to write one blog post per day answering each of these questions/challenges. Feel free to follow and join me if you would like!