Day 23/31 of Self Love

Read this post for an explanation!

My Definition of Self Love - Learning not to hate yourself; being okay with past mistakes, but not repeating them; refusing to use current failures as fuel for self-hate and instead using them as opportunities to improve; and reminding yourself, "You are loved, you are valuable, and you are God's child."

 

My support system is primarily my husband, followed by two very close friends. I recently made my support system stronger by actually making it smaller - I removed people who, though they have been supportive and loving towards me in the past, were unable to continue this level of friendship over the span of hundreds of miles. Although I was sad to know that I could no longer rely on these people to respond to an urgent text or a request for a phone call, it also served as  great relief - instead of feeling unloved by their inability to support me, it freed me from my anger and allowed me to say, "If this person never texts me back, I am still worthy of love. If we're not as close as we used to be, that's all right. If we only talk once in a while or on holidays, that's okay."

I'm reminded of Marie Kondo's book, The Magic of Tidying Up, where she encourages readers to let go of their items not with sadness, but gratefulness. For me, looking at the friendships that have changed over the past few years, it's like saying, "Thank you for supporting me and loving me. You were there for me when few people were. You stood by me when I felt alone and confused, when I was first exploring the ideas of depression and anxiety, before I even dared to think that maybe I might struggle with those frightening issues. Thank you for being there. Now I'm letting you go, so you can help others in the way you once helped me."

There will probably come a time in the next few months when my current support group will change, with the exception of my husband - he's stuck with me. I will say, "Thank you for supporting me and being my friend in a city where I didn't know anyone. Thank you for all the random shopping trips, adventures, and trips to Taco Bell. Thank you for getting in the car with me time and time again, even though we've almost died together due to my inability to drive in traffic more times than I can count. Thank you for all the times I asked, 'Can I text you tonight?' and you said, 'yes' and followed through. Thank you for telling me that I was worthy of love. Now I'm letting you go, so you can love others the way you once loved me."