Read this post for an explanation!
My Definition of Self Love - Learning not to hate yourself;
being okay with past mistakes, but not repeating them; refusing to use
current failures as fuel for self-hate and instead using them as
opportunities to improve; and reminding yourself, "You are loved, you
are valuable, and you are God's child."
I'm afraid to ask for help. A few months ago, I texted to one of my best friends, "Please talk to me tonight. I need you," and that was one of the hardest texts I have ever written. I typed and sent the message in a matter of seconds because if I'd thought about it too long, I would've talked myself out of it.
I find it very hard to reach out to friends and family because one of my greatest fears is bothering people or being a burden to them. Logically, I know that asking for help is not really bothersome or burdensome - especially since for the most part, I'm only asking someone to keep me company by texting or calling me. But when I'm in need of support, my depression and anxiety have already gotten the best of me, and those voices tell me, "You're not worth it. Your friends don't really love you - not if they really knew what you are really like. You shouldn't bother them. They have more important things to do. They wouldn't really notice if you were gone tomorrow - they might be sad for a while, but they'd be happier in the end."
However, I have asked for help recently, even if it was difficult. I need to continue speaking up for myself and when I need support, as well as being honest about myself and my mental health. It's much easier to write about the concept of depression in a blog post than to talk about my personal fears and struggles face-to-face, even though I am blessed with a very understanding husband and close friends to support me.
I'm afraid to ask for help. A few months ago, I texted to one of my best friends, "Please talk to me tonight. I need you," and that was one of the hardest texts I have ever written. I typed and sent the message in a matter of seconds because if I'd thought about it too long, I would've talked myself out of it.
I find it very hard to reach out to friends and family because one of my greatest fears is bothering people or being a burden to them. Logically, I know that asking for help is not really bothersome or burdensome - especially since for the most part, I'm only asking someone to keep me company by texting or calling me. But when I'm in need of support, my depression and anxiety have already gotten the best of me, and those voices tell me, "You're not worth it. Your friends don't really love you - not if they really knew what you are really like. You shouldn't bother them. They have more important things to do. They wouldn't really notice if you were gone tomorrow - they might be sad for a while, but they'd be happier in the end."
However, I have asked for help recently, even if it was difficult. I need to continue speaking up for myself and when I need support, as well as being honest about myself and my mental health. It's much easier to write about the concept of depression in a blog post than to talk about my personal fears and struggles face-to-face, even though I am blessed with a very understanding husband and close friends to support me.
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| J wrote, "I love you!" on my wrist when I was going through a difficult time mentally - 2015 |
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