I am sorry that I am not good enough.

Good enough – adjective, meaning “adequately good for the circumstances.”

If I could be anything in the world, I would simply want to be “good enough.” When I was growing up, I thought I was supposed to be a missionary in Mexico. Then I wanted to be a world-famous, bestselling author. (I still wouldn’t mind that.) But now I simply want to be a little bit above average, someone who is faring decently well under the circumstances of life.

Because the lies I tell myself are that I am not good enough. I’m not smart enough; most of my friends received scholarships and are in school. I’m not Christian enough, because sometimes I swear and I wear jeggings instead of jeans. I’m not good at school, because I failed school. I’m not a good worker; at my last job every time I tried to pursue management or advancement in the company I was denied. I’m not good enough for my father; J and I live from paycheck to paycheck, and I seem to fritter away my money on online shopping. I’m not good enough for my mother; I am not as conservative as she. I’m not good enough for my husband; I frustrate him by not listening to his advice, and we struggle sexually due to my mental issues.

But the incredible thing is that God sees His children as much, much more than “good enough” – when He looks at them, He doesn’t see their failures, inadequacies, their faults and their negative qualities. He sees the righteousness of Jesus Christ, who was far more than good enough.

The truth is, I chose not to go to college. Even though I didn’t receive any scholarships for above average ACT scores, I am still intelligent. My lifestyle is not defined by how others view or perceive me, but by my own personal convictions and decisions. I did fail school, but that is another story in itself. I am an incredibly loyal worker and my last job manipulated and took advantage of me. In the past, I have saved almost all of the money I have earned. My father is proud of me and does not look down on me because I am not as financially well off as perhaps he would like me to be. My mother loves me even though it might be hard for her to accept that we have different views about things. My husband is an incredibly patient man who constantly puts me first and loves me, even when it is challenging for him.

When God looks upon me, He doesn’t see someone who is simply good enough, slightly above average, just existing. He sees Jesus’ righteousness, someone who literally defines perfection.

So maybe the only person I need to be “good enough” for is myself.