letter to my love

I found this post, which I wrote a few years ago and never published. I thought it would be fitting to post now, since I've been writing about living simply.  

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  First of all, I know you don't really like writing stuff in public. So I apologize for this. It just came to my mind and flowed out of my fingers and here it is. I hope you don't mind.
Less than a week into our relationship, we made a promise to each other: no secrets. We were to have complete honesty with each other. I don't always keep my promise, but I'm working on it. I've gotten better. Now I tell you almost everything, unless it's girl stuff. And sometimes I tell you that, too. So here we go, my confession:  sometimes I wish we could have nice things. Our relationship is everything I've wanted and more than I could've imagined. You are honest, hard-working, gentlemanly, thoughtful, and caring. You are willing to one day be my provider and leader. You don't walk away from me when I'm crying, and you don't leave me when I'm upset. You're in this for the long haul. You help me work through my many insecurities and fears instead of discounting them as silly or irrelevant. You reassure and affirm me even if it takes an entire evening. You show love to others too - your friends know you as reliable and loyal. You're open and truthful. Most importantly, you love God and desire to serve Him. I hope that I give as much to you as you give to me. I love you and everything about you. I confess that sometimes I wish that we could have nice things. Sometimes I wish that we could give each other expensive gifts and see the world together. Sometimes I wish we could have a nice house for our kids. And a fancy car for you, since I know you like them so much.  I've struggled with contentment for as long as I can remember. Often I still find myself believing the lie that having the next item or the next experience will give me the happiness I long for. But it's true that you can't buy happiness. No item in the world, no trip or event or experience will ever bring true happiness. It might bring a thrill for a few minutes, but it will soon pass to replaced once again by the familiar yearning for something greater. Sometimes I believe that about us - that if I could be a little prettier, or that if we lived a little closer to one another, or if we could buy nice things one day, that I will be completely happy. But Christians aren't called to be "happy" in our life here on earth. We are called to follow God and live His way no matter the costs. He has given me salvation, which is all I need to be truly content. Even so He has chosen to give me many other blessings, including my greatest blessing of all, you.  In the end I realize that I don't need nice things. We don't need to go to fancy restaurants to have a romantic date - we can have just as much fun sitting on the roof looking at stars or taking goofy selfies while grocery shopping. We don't have to buy each other diamonds and silk ties to show our love - acts of kindness and handwritten letters will do just as well. We don't need a big house someday - the genuine love that our family will hold for each other will be enough. I still want to go to Paris and New Zealand with you, but if we never get to go, that's okay too. Because I don't need to see the world when I know that someday I will be able to wake up and see my world lying beside me - because you are my world. I would not trade you for all of earth's treasures. I would not chose anyone else to be a father to my children. I would not ask anyone else to hold me when I cry tears of self-hate, frustration, or sorrow. I would not exchange the thoughtful gifts you have given me for any other things, no matter how "nice".  Because at the end of the day, I would rather spend the rest of my life with you, in our small home with a beat-up minivan, than anywhere or with anyone else.  ♥