counterfeit forgiveness

When you talk to people who once called themselves Christians and now do not identify themselves as such, one of the reasons they will almost always give is, "Christians in the church hurt me." I used to think this a rather poor excuse, since although some in the church can be very hurtful, for the most part they are not. However I have recently come to the reasoning that there may be some truth behind such an accusation.
Though everyone has a sin nature, I believe we as Christians are held to a higher standard since we now have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. Though we still make mistakes, we have the conviction of God to prompt us to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. If we are the one who has been wronged, we are taught to forgive an unlimited amount of times. 
I have noticed that the way that most people treat their family is almost always different than the way they treat their friends. For example, I might yell at my mom when I am frustrated, but I would never yell at my best friend. It is not for any lack of closeness, but simply for the fact that she is not my family. My parents and I will always always reconcile or come to some sort of resolution because we have to...that's what family does. Friends, however, can abandon us, leave us, or choose not to be part of our lives anymore. 
In the same way, sometimes our treatment fellow Christians can actually be more hurtful than the way we treat those who are not part of our spiritual family, because we subconsciously think of forgiveness as guaranteed. In our interactions with non-Christians, we are careful to "set a good example" and "be a witness". We strive to be honest, kind, hardworking, loving, thoughtful, caring, etc. But with our church family, we can slip into a more comfortable relationship. We might not watch our words or our actions. And if hurt does occur, we think, "Well, they'll forgive me. They're Christians after all and they know it's the right thing to do." 
Maybe some people leave the church because they are treated poorly. Maybe some people leave the church because all they can see is hypocrites - people who say that they love God, but then treat their church family worse than they treat their non-Christian friends. (From my own personal experience, almost everyone in my life who has hurt me the most has been Christians. These bad experiences will not cause me to be disillusioned by the church, because I understand that being a Christian is about following God, no matter the cost and I know that everyone, including Christians, are sinners and will make mistakes).
When we talk about God's forgiveness towards his children, we say that God will always forgive us, but He will not necessarily take away the consequences of our actions. Yet when Christians ask for forgiveness from each another, we don't expect consequences. We think that, "I'm sorry / I forgive you" is all there is to it. We don't realize that relationships and friendships may change because of deep hurt and if they do, we think of ourselves as the victim. We tend to think of forgiveness only instead of forgiveness and reconciliation. 
Perhaps we should stop treating "forgiveness" like a "get out of jail free" card. Maybe we should stop demanding it and begin appreciating it. Maybe we should understand that sometimes, forgiveness may take time. Maybe we should understand that our actions will have consequences and that it's not an entirely bad thing. 
Some people have left the church because they experienced deep hurt from those that they once trusted and loved. Perhaps this is because we have adopted our culture's decision to value diplomacy over  truth, and forced apologies and begrudging forgiveness over true reconciliation.